The following is a tragic history of abuse shared by Julie, the Daughter of Ralph and Joan St. Clair.
As I thought about writing what has happened to me, all I can think about is those that continue to live in silence. This may be a challenge to read I know for it is a difficult to write but the truth can’t hide behind the door no longer.
Abuse can come in all forms and it would take me a long time to put it all out there so I am going to only focus on some of sexual abuse.
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Mike Kekel
Circa 1983 |
I remember Michael Kekel in Tillicum, Washington. I don’t remember the whole time he was there for I was quite young but there is something I do remember. I didn’t like him. Back then I pretty much loved all people and had no problem talking to complete strangers. Kekel on the other hand always seemed proud, stuck –up, and rude at least that is the words I would put to it now.
He took a few pictures of me back then which is not odd in itself but what these pictures were of was strange for him to take or even keep. Like any little girl sitting in a dress modesty isn’t the first priority. Each of these pictures you could see up my dress some even seeing part of my private area. He has never let me forget he still has these pictures.
I still remember my parents telling me when we left Tillicum to go to St.Loius, Washington for my parents to go to Bible School that Kekel would be coming with us. It bothered me that my mother and father did seem to mind how rude he was to others.
They keep telling me he is your elder obey and respect him. My parents gave most adults in my life the freedom to spank me as they saw fit. Kekel was no exception. This included flipping me over pulling up my dress and pulling down my underwear and spanking me. (This gave a lot of men free access to me)
It seemed like I was getting spanked over and over that trip. Spanking gave freedom for touching. (Why was I spanked by him with my parents present?) I look back on this now it seemed he had a thing for little girls’ bottoms even back then. This began my fear of this man. Over the years he would never let me forget he was my elder and how the bible said for me to respect him.
This was just the small step into guys and sex with me. I knew if a man told me I was in trouble a bare butt spanking was to follow. I don’t remember the name of every man that touched but I will never forget the moments. Spankings included more than just swats in many cases. I will say this there were times that swats were the only thing that happened.
St. Louis carries so many mixed emotions for me for throughout my life there were people that treated me well and those that didn’t. It is in St.Loius that I started school. I loved my teacher but hated the principal. His name was Rudy. When I was sent to his office he would threaten me with the belt and then would touch me in weird ways. I told my mom and she just told me then be good and you won’t have to go to the office. I feared the touching more than I feared the belt. He told me at 5 years old he had different feelings towards people then others did. He said He loved men and little girls not women. I asked him why he got married and he said they made him do it. No one believed me when I shared what he said. At the time I had no idea what that meant.
I will never forget this next scene as long as I live. My parents went to the bible school so I like all other students’ kids went to babysitters which were anyone you could get to watch your child for cheap at crazy hours. One of my many babysitters were the Kellys (think that is the right spelling). They had a son by the name Tim I believe. Being as young as I was he was probably 17 to early twenties. One day I was wearing a dress my mom had made for she was a seamstress. It was yellow with flowers and lace on the ruffles. This particular day I was wearing homemade blue underwear. What engraves this day into my mind was until that day I knew there was a difference between male and female but had not seen the difference. Their son took me into his room pulled down his pants showed me his private area laid me on his bed then told me to show him my private area. I said I didn’t want to but he pulled my underwear down anyway. I thought at that point he was going to spank me since I had refused to show on my own. He put his fingers in my private area and then just smiled at me. He had me get dress and we went out of the room. I tried to tell my mother but she just told me to not make up stories. She talked to me about being obedient to elders also said you wouldn’t want people to make up stories about you. I was in kindergarten. I had no access to TV or the outside world; let your mind think on this.
I lived in St. Louis for my kindergarten and first grade years. I attended the borg day school as they called it. There were many men that had access to me some I don’t remember their names but I will never forget how they treated me. Davis was no exception. I don’t know if he loves butts or breasts more. He had this thing for grabbing my butt when I was little and when I was older the touching changed. It always puzzled me that ministers were told to never been alone with members especially women/children but yet that didn’t apply to him.
He had this thing for insulting kids. He would tell little boys you aren’t a boy you are a sissy girl. Remember one day a little boy finally pulled his pants to proof he was a boy. The parents were more upset at their son then they were at Davis for pushing to that point.
You may think they are just hiding perverts but in reality it is perverts hiding perverts. Insulting the righteous for fear of their own sin coming to light.
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Ralph St. Clair Raped his daughter, Julie shares, and even got her pregnant! Joan let this happen. Allegedly both of them knew others were sexually abusing and spanking their daughter Julie, including then-time NTCC President Rodger Wilson Davis and his son-in-law the current NTCC CEO,
Michael Craig Kekel. |
This leads me to the beginning of the sexual stuff with my father at the age of 7. At first it was just touching. He would use every reason in the book to touch. Once he said he feared a rash so called me into his room and made me take off my underwear to touch. Why would he think a rash when I had made no indication of there being an issue down there?
At this time my parents had started a new servicemen’s home in Texas which is now the Ft. Hood, Texas servicemen’s home. Many men came through that place while we were there. Some okay and some as much as a prevent as my father. (we moved to 4 different homes in my 2nd grade year) I think the reason for moving one of the times was I had said something to the neighbor about not liking how men touched me. This began the rule of what happens in our home stays in our home because the sinful world doesn’t understand how God wants us to live.
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| Rodger Wilson Davis Prophet?! or Pedophile?! |
I remember Davis coming through and being scared of him. The first time he came through we were in the first home which had a converted garage. This is the place we held what I call the insulting sessions. (Some would call it church) My father didn’t share the gospel. He just got up and told everyone how horrible they were. Anyways Davis came and that night he said He wanted to talk to me. I told him I had to go to bed. He told me what he says is over what my parents say. This night he explained the chain of command. It was Davis then my father and then my mother. He told me he had the right to change any rules my parents gave me. We were in the converted garage and as the norm insulting session began by this age I had low self –esteem. He also did sexual stuff to me. My father didn’t even stop or question him about pulling me aside in that room nor when he decided he would be put me to bed himself. This I believe started me hating the bedroom. It was no longer a good place anymore.
Playing Church - Caution NTCC Church Meeting - May "Trigger" or Bring Up BAD Memories - Length: 4 Seconds
Above Video: NTCC Minister Ralph St. Clair (hiding behind a NTCC Pulpit) is accused of raping his daughter.
The sexual abuse of my father didn’t stop it continued until my marriage to Donny Ridgeway. What helped me survive it was I had an awesome brother John St.Clair.
The scenes continued with only touching until I moved to Louisiana. Louisiana is where it began to get worse. Some details of Louisiana is too painful to type. A lot of spankings happened here. Some of the stuff happened by other ministers from other denominations. No area I lived in excluded sexual spanks from many men.
One person that was good to me there was Chris Kinson complete with his van that started with a screw driver. I hated when he moved from Louisiana because he was so kind to me.
Be careful how you treat children for the good and bad are engraved in them. It is important to apologize to a child when wrong; for it will change what pain they carry into adulthood.
In Louisiana the touching continued until I turned 9 that is where full sex began. I didn’t understand it but the sexual stuff threw me into early puberty. I had 36 C breasts by 9 ½. This caused some ill development. ( by the age of 10 some people thought I was 18)
There were a few men that lived near us which started having sex with me. At first it would seem that they acted alone but I began to complain about going over to their house. They had kids that I was supposed to be visiting but some times when I was sent over there they weren’t there. My father didn’t seem to care almost like he knew what was happening. My mother started having many health issues and I became even more important to my father with his sexual needs. This is when the journey began of having sex with my father started until I was 16 and married.
Once again it was the love of my brother that carried me through. Like all states I lived in we moved a lot. One of the places we lived while in Louisiana was the projects. Now I love of races of people but there was an interesting part about living in the projects. There at that time you had the black side of town and the white side of town. We were living in the black side of town the only white people in that neighborhood. We would leave our windows up since it was hot. One night this young man came into my window because he wanted some with a white girl. I begged him to leave for he had woke me out of a dead sleep. After he left I was scared so I went to my parents. They just laughed at me and they blow it off. A day or two later my mom was in my room and she found a condom. She got angry at me about having it and told me it belonged in the garbage. It had fluid in it yet my mom didn’t care where it came from. (Her action just floors me now) My brother found out and was quite upset for me. He offered to sleep in the same room as me which led us to sleeping in the living room. This was one of the few places we had our own rooms. He slept in the same room I slept in until the day we move out of that place.
Nine months after I turned 9 we moved back to St. Louis where my father began teaching in the bible school. We lived first in a duplex by the old NTCC building. The sexual stuff continued with my father. Davis never stopped touching me when opportunity was given. Over the next few years we stayed in Missouri. During that time many men had their way with me which include me getting pregnant while in St.Loius. (Doctors say due to the early sex, pregnancies, miscarriages, etc. it led me to have female issues as well as difficult pregnancies with the 2 kids I have) When I lived on Vermont Ave in one of the houses that flowed back and forward ownership between people in the borg Davis would sometimes park his RV by those group of houses. One I was told he wanted to talk to me in his RV. I went in there. This time unlike others time where his wife was in the RV as well, he was alone this time. He asked if I had been spanked for disobeying him. I told him this time I had not told my father so no I had not been spanked. He decided since I had failed to tell my father of my wrong he would spank me himself. Like I said before people had the freedom to spank whenever they felt the need especially leaders in the borg. He told me to pull down my underwear and bend over his lap. I had been so trained fighting never crossed my mind. That day the underwear came off and there was more than spanking and touching. Though this was the only time he strayed from spanking and the touching only, I will never never forget that day.*
*At the time that this was written, Julie considered all violations of her body that were sexual in nature to be rape or sex acts. All of these acts would be considered sexual crimes committed by Davis, and some have different legal terms. We asked Julie specifically about this sentence because it appears to mean that the only time that Davis did anything other than spank or touch her was on this occasion. When Julie used the word 'touching' she clarified to us that it included oral sex, and other sexual violations of her body that did not include sexual intercourse. A child who grows up in this type of atmosphere has no idea what all the terms are and what the legal implications are. She was taught to blame herself for all of Davis' actions and Ralph and Joan's also. Julie confirmed that this was the only time she and Davis had sexual intercourse. But there were many other times when the touching mentioned in the above paragraph was referring to other types of sexual acts such as oral sex and molestation. At the time this was written, Julie was still processing all of the horrible things that happened to her. Even today, people have different definitions of what sex is, what intercourse is, and there are also many legal descriptions that define many actions that even people who are not a victim have a hard time understanding. Bill Clinton even tried to get away with saying that oral sex was not sex. He said: "I did not have sex with that woman". How hard is it for a victim of many sexual crimes to distinguish all of the terms and legal definitions? Julie also was just starting to share her story and felt uncomfortable which is normal. How many of you would like to admit that some old pedophile raped you and did other horrible things to you? If you put yourself in the victims shoes and stop trying to justify the actions of the wicked, you might understand a little better what she went through.
By this time so many men had spanked, touched, and had sex with me. Some of them I only knew by name Bro. others I have trouble saying or even typing their names but I will never forget the moments. I didn’t know all this was called sex until I got married. I will say this borg is led by some very power hungry and sexually driven people. It is a sexual ring that they like to put God and the church stamp on.
This takes us to Lakewood, Washington. I hope things would be different but they just got more intense in the sexual department. Like I said before the sexual stuff was still continuing with my father. In Washington is where several of my pregnancies happened including the one with my father. One of the ladies in the church who had 3 kids of her own, was such a great help to me. I wish I had told her that it wasn’t teen rebellion that I got pregnant. She only discovered one of my pregnancies which I am surprised she noticed one. (She unfortunately dead later in a car crash)
I had my weight scrutinized all the time. If I gained 1lb on a diet I was put. This started at the age of 8. If I looked fat I was humiliated by my father and the leaders. I got married 3 months before my 17th birthday and weight 120lbs and was told I was fat by Davis and Ashmore thought it was pretty funny when I began to cry. He always thought it was funny whenever Davis, Kekel, or any other man got on me for anything. Ashmore has had his time with me as well. It is very hard to talk about it.
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| James Ross Ashmore - Alleged NTCC Sexual Predator Hiding Sex Crimes with Children Behind a Religious Title and Cheesy Smile |
In Lakewood there were a few different men that came through the church that had their way with me. (I sometimes wonder if they were brought into the church by my father to have their way with me) Mind you I know for a fact I wasn’t the only little girl sex toy my father had. My father would make sex remarks from the pulpit that were so wrong.
When we moved into Lakewood they brought all the civilians from Tillicum Washington to begin the church. One thing I think is so down right stupid is why force and I mean force people to leave a military church because they are civilians. Believe me the military don’t hate civilians. There might be a few but not all. Why not get them an opportunity not a man-date. Oh I am sorry that would go against your controlling ways. You say you are not part of the mean, controlling, and prejudices people. Then why do you act like them.
Anyways back to what I was talking about. They moved two men into the Lakewood civilian church mind you. They were supposed to help pay the bills. So my father could be full-time. (Are you joking?) Well it started out the guys would have the full attic to themselves. My brother, my parents, and I would have the 3 bedrooms on the first floor. I had a new bedroom in the fact the niceness one I had ever had before. Davis came to see the house. He said I didn’t deserve the room I was in because I didn’t pay rent like the guys so up to the attic I went. Being in the attic away from everything started the free access to me by one of the men living there. Sex between us in the attic happened quite often. All he had to do is wait for my parents to be a sleep and up he would come. When others in the church couldn’t watch me this man Lange would do the watching. I was so scared of him. A few times my father came upstairs caught him coming out and didn’t seen bought by it. It was one of those times it hit me he knew what was happening just like himself.
My parents wouldn’t take me serious. My mother accused me of lying because I had hate for men in my heart. I didn’t hate men at that time but I was very confused about everything. A preacher in another one of the Washington churches at the time heard of my supposed lies. (This man had some overseeing of at least the Lakewood church I think……all I know is he had say over who lived in the house) He ended up talking to me and I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. He said the men were to move out immediately. I was shocked he took me seriously. I guess Lange was known for his sexual problems. I wish I would have been brave enough to tell this man what my father was doing but he was friends with my father. I feared that it would be back to having both my father and Lange under my roof.
In time we moved to the Tillicum servicemen’s home. I was scared I didn’t want to go. There were so many men and no one to stop them. Those that know the lay-out of that servicemen’s home will know when I say no one cared where my room was in that place. My parent’s room was on one side of the kitchen and my room was on the other side of the kitchen and bathroom. There were the good and the bad ones that came through there. There were two G.I.’s that made me feel most safe and I was so upset anytime duty called them away. I knew my father didn’t care but these men did.
I hated sleeping in that place because I never knew who would show up and when. I had a lot of sexual encounters with men there. Finally one G.I. decided I needed a lock on my door. My father decided the leaders needed to be contacted about this. Davis said as long as this G.I. paid for everything involving it he could go ahead. My father didn’t offer a dime or any help at all. I remember it got broke and no one wanted to take claim for the breaking of it. It didn’t get fixed for a while. I was accused of destroying property because I had no idea what happened. My theory is sense I had a key I always locked it before leaving since anyone could come in while gone; I think someone tried to break in while my parents and were gone. A caring parent would have fixed it right away before any other duty in that home.
By this point in my life I had had a few pregnancies; internally physically and emotionally I was a hurting mess. I then got married and the road that led to that is a whole another story.
There are details of the sexual stuff I am unable to type out but I hope you will stop and think about what I did share. Are you paying for a child to be sexually scarred for life? With your money there is more time for sex with the unwilling participates.
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Inspired by Julie's story and similarities of controlling groups like NTCC, WOFF and the Waco, TX Branch Davidians, a heart-felt analysis of the cheapening of life within these groups, written by John Huddle, the Administrator of the Religious Cults Info site.
